The Babbling Bourgeois /bo͝orˈZHwä,ˈbo͝orZHwä/


his side, her side, their side...b-side.

The truth about my engagement!



That was so weird to type.  I don't think I've even said the word "engaged" to anyone yet.

Example, while at work, I just told everyone that "(Insert name) proposed this weekend".  I'm not ashamed or unsure - I think it is still really unreal.  The interesting thing about being engaged is the questions that I've been asked.  So assuming that some of you may have those same questions, I thought I'd make a post about it and answer them in detail.

Thank you for all the love that has been shown to me and my fiance - it means everything to us!

  1. Who is he?
    A: This is probably the number one question I've gotten from people who don't know me that well.  If you really know me then you know him. But to answer the question, he is simply a divine and incredible human being who I am so fortunate to have met over ten years ago.
  2. I didn't know you were even dating!
    A: So this is more of a statement and similar to question number one, then you and I are probably not as close as you think we are.  However, let me detail this a little further.  I made a contentious decision with this relationship to not broadcast it all over the internet or force-feed it to people I had little to no interactions with.  It always amazes me how everyone says they keep their private life private until it's time to do so. There is only one social media platform that you will ever see numerous pictures of him or us together.  He's not being hidden at all, but we are individuals who lead separate lives and up until recently decided to combine the two.
  3. How did he propose?
    A: I won't disclose all the details but I can say that I was surprised and that I didn't really see it coming.  He and I discussed marriage; as far as what we expect once we are married - but a timeline wasn't disclosed. He ensured that both of our families were in attendance (they saw the entire thing, and I didn't know) and it was beautiful.  A dream.
  4. When is the wedding?
    A: This is the most asked question.  I. DON'T. KNOW. LolBut we are working on it.
  5. Are you excited?
    A: Yes!  I am very excited.
  6. Do you feel that you are ready?
    A: There are few things in life that we can "be ready" for.  I've found that some of the most impactful, life altering, and most amazing things happen when we are least expecting.  If by ready you mean, ready to be a committed, to doing the work that is required.  Then, yes.  Will times be tough?  Surely, but times will also be great.  I believe, in anything, if we can maintain a focus on not always the hard work but the worthy rewards then we will be all the better in our endeavors.

    Again - thank you!


Throwback Post: Baby Give Me One More Chance – The Return of Alonzo Part II

Suddenly the lights were raised and a long haired beauty emerged, she began dancing to the beat of the music coming from the speakers.
— bb

I quickly snapped out of my trance as we pulled into a strange looking restaurant that sat on a hill.  Valet was present, but it didn't exactly look like a spot that you should expect valet.  Alonzo rolled his window down at the approaching red coat wearing gentlemen.  “Good evening sir, we got complimentary valet for you this evening, we can take it from here.”  Suddenly my passenger door flew open and I stepped out allowing my brown ankle boots to grace the wet surface.  Alonzo met up with me at the front of the restaurant.  As soon as we stepped inside a slim lady asked us if we had reservations, we informed her that we didn'tand were immediately escorted into a dark, almost cave-like area.  Greek music escaped loudly from the speakers near the DJ booth.  Everyone seemed to be in a trance, I was uncomfortable.  The young lady showed Alonzo and I to our table, or more like our spot on a carpet.  I had trouble initially taking a seat on the floor due to the fact that I was wearing a dress and that the low table was preventing me from remaining lady like, but I managed.  Alonzo took a seat next to me shoulder to shoulder.  “What kinda place is this?”  I said into his ear so he could hear me.  “It’s a hookah lounge, I know you always said you wanted to come to one.”  I smiled to myself.  Alonzo grabbed the menu on the table, then looked at me and asked was I hungry, I shrugged my shoulders as I looked into his eyes.  “Well, I just so happen to be so let’s see what they have.”  I looked over the menu and decided quickly on a salad and a glass of Moscato.  Once the waiter got there, Alonzo ordered for me and then ordered himself a calzone and a beer.  He also put in an order for mango flavored hookah.  Our drinks came fast and I sipped the sweet beverage and thought that it could have stood to be chilled a little longer.  I felt a strong sense of closeness to Alonzo, maybe it was just simple familiarity. 

Our hookah arrived and Alonzo was showing me how I was to use it, I’d never tried it before and was a little apprehensive, he laughed as I tried to fill my lungs with the fruity smoke.  Suddenly the lights were raised and a long haired beauty emerged, she began dancing to the beat of the music coming from the speakers.  She wore a red shimmery outfit with her belly exposed.  She began to move her arms in sync with her waist.  She then stopped only to allow her midsection to vibrate ferociously.  I leaned over and whispered to Alonzo that, all of what she was doing was an illusion “it’s all in the knees”  I said to him.  “That’s right, you did take belly dancing didn't you.” He remembered, I was surprised.  I’d taken belly dancing back when Alonzo and I were talking heavily.  The dancers performance ended and Alonzo turned to look at me and say, “I’ve been meaning to tell you how good you look tonight.”  I smiled, “Thanks.” 

“You know what’s so crazy, BB, and this may even sound strange. But I think about you at least once a day.”  I looked into his sincere eyes.  “Whether I see the color purple, pass some Orchids in the store, see something chocolate” we both laughed out loud.  “No, matter what, I think of you and I've missed you so much.”  He continued.  “ I've missed you too.” I said, truth dripping from my words.  “Then all of a sudden I thought to myself, why are you sitting around wallowing, do something about it.  So that’s why I asked you out tonight.”  I was so touched, I couldn't say anything.  I just grabbed my glass of wine and took a huge gulp.  Our food arrived and I took a few bites of my salad before pushing my plate away.  Alonzo took one bite of his calzone and claimed to no longer be hungry.  We sat back just enjoying the scenery, people watching and being in each others presence.  Every now and again we looked at one another and smiled.  The waiter arrived with a to go container and our check.  Alonzo swiftly paid and packed away his dinner into the Styrofoam box.  We got up to leave with the same struggle we had sitting down.  Once we got outside we handed our ticket to the valet.  “Hey, I’m going to run in here and get some cash so I can tip him.”  I nodded to him and watched him walk about five feet into the restaurant to the ATM.  I looked out and absorbed the cool night air as I waited for Alonzo to withdraw cash.  I then turned to look in the direction of the restaurant and immediately caught Alonzo’s eye, he was staring at me the entire time and I hadn't realized it.  He dropped his eyes back to the teller machine and soon walked out just in time for the valet to open my door.

He tipped him and we were headed back to my place.  I was immediately nervous about whether or not I would invite him in, this was the first time in a very long time that I’d been out with Alonzo and I wanted the evening to end on the highest note possible, and not be ruined by foolish actions.  We arrived at my apartment and he parked the car and walked me through the gate to my apartment.  He took my keys from me to unlock my door while looking at me in my face, I dared not look back at him.  Once he turned the lock he removed his hand from the door all together.  “Are you about to go?” I asked, half hoping he would say yes, and half hoping he would say no.  “Yeah, I got to open in the morning.”  He responded, hoping that disappointment wasn't present in my voice. “Oh, okay. Well thanks again for tonight, I had a really nice time.”  I said as I stepped into his embrace.  I walked into my apartment with a mixture of feelings, but overall had an amazing time.  It was always a good time with Alonzo.  I can never remember having a bad time.  Alonzo had introduced me to so much, different foods, different drinks, it was always good. Later on that evening he texted me.  “Thanks, BB for coming out with me, I really missed you, we definitely are going to have to get together real soon.  Hopefully with me not having obligations so early the next morning.  I STILL love you.  I always will.”  I was shocked, he actually said it.  I loved Alonzo too, that was a given, loving him was easy, too easy.  To know him was to love him.  I didn't know what the date meant, if it will go anywhere or what will be of him and I, I guess it’s a matter of staying tune to see.


Thorwback Post: Baby Give Me One More Chance – The Return of Alonzo Part I

I always enjoy a good Alonzo story!  I learned so much from my relationship with him.  He set the bar high, that's for sure!  Enjoy! xoxo

Alonzo knew how to treat me, he always had, I never had to hold his hand and walk him through what to do, he just knew and executed it with no questions asked.
— BB

Rushing is something that I despise, but I found myself doing it anyway as I was thinking of all the million and one things I had to do in order to be ready for my date with Alonzo.  Alonzo had found his way into my text messages one early morning.  “Let’s do something radical” he said, I laughed at the fact that I was just thinking of him.  I hadn't spoken to him since he’d sent me a very nice fruit arrangement to my job.  “Radical?  Do tell.”  I responded intrigued by what his response would be.  “Let’s see each other.”  I couldn't help but laugh.  “Well give me the details and I will see what I can do.”  I responded hoping that he didn't mean seeing me today, I had far too much on my plate.  However, I knew that was not Alonzo’s style, he was spontaneous but he rarely acted off impulse.  “Well, I have an off day coming up this Friday, let’s grab dinner.”  I loved the way Alonzo would think before approaching the situation, either that or he was extremely quick on his feet.  I was excited, I adored Alonzo and hadn't seen him in two years.  I then thought of the plans that I had scheduled for Friday night – ugh, I immediately began thinking that I’d promised someone that I’d be there at their event.  I began to question why bad things happen to good people.  I tried to formulate how I would go about seeing Alonzo and going to the event.  I responded, “Sure, sounds great.”  “Okay, what time works best for you?”  he asked.  “Let’s shoot for 8:30pm”  I had no idea why I’d given Alonzo that time, but that was the only time I could think of that wasn't super later nor super early.  “Great!  8:30 I’ll be there to pick you up and we can grab a bite to eat.  I can’t wait BB.”  I sent him a smiley face and prayed to the heavens to allow me to do both, I’d missed Alonzo and didn't want to blow the only opportunity I might have to see him.

Friday came faster than I thought, I still hadn't thought of how I was gonna juggle being in two places at once, but at around 10am the heavens heard my prayer.  The plans for the event to go to a Hookah bar fell through and I was left with the plan that I originally wanted which was to have dinner with Alonzo.  “Good Morning, I can’t wait to see you tonight.”  I smiled from ear to ear.  That was Alonzo’s way of confirming our plans for the night.  “I can’t wait either.”  I shot back.  I was genuinely excited, but hated the idea of working a full day of work and still be expected to be great company.  I was afraid that I would bore him due to my being tired, but decided to brush it off and grab a cup of coffee.  I was having my daily phone conversation with my sister as I opened the front door to my apartment, as soon as I closed the door I knew that I would have to politely end the conversation in order to began preparing for my night.  I looked at the clock and it read that it was five minutes past seven.  I hung up with my sis and immediately stripped of my garments and hopped into the shower.  I cleansed my body and removed the makeup from my face.  I hopped out in record time and began to apply lotion to my body and sprayed a light mist of cucumber body spray.  I’d picked out an off white body con dress with the back out earlier in the week that would have been appropriate for both occasions.  After applying my makeup and spraying water onto my curly mane I danced into the snug fitting dress that held on to my curves for dear life.  “Whoa!”  I said aloud as I looked at the material clinging to my body, I then began to feel self conscious. 

I snapped a couple pics to send to my sis.  I looked down at my ringing phone announcing that Alonzo was at the gate.  My heart was beating something ferociously into my chest.  I fidgeted with my hair, because no matter what I’d did, it wasn't perfect enough.  I heard a knock at the door.  I fumbled around with the hair dryer and began to knock things over in the bathroom.  “Chill BB” I said to myself.  After having Alonzo wait a good two full minutes at the door, I went to it and peered out.  His head was down and he was looking at his cellphone.  I took a deep breath to compose myself and then unlocked the door to let my past in.  As soon as I opened the door completely, he looked up at me with a smile, handsomely dressed in a long sleeved button down, a vest and tie.  He was cleanly shaven and his mustache was lined, exactly the way I liked it.   He looked very nice. I stepped out into the breezeway to embrace him, his face went into my neck.  He squeezed me tightly and I him.  I stepped back to allow him inside as we both smiled.  “Sorry, my hair is still a little wet” I responded to him.  “No, you’re totally fine.” He responded with a laugh.  I felt his eyes on me as I walked away from him and headed towards the bathroom.  “Give me a couple seconds and let me finish up.”  I said.  “Oh, sure, do what you have to do, I’m fine.”  He responded sincerely.  “Soooo, how are your parents?”  I asked him while I was in the bathroom looking into the mirror at nothing in particular.  I heard his voice move closer, “They’re great.  You know we had the annual Christmas pictures today” he said with a laugh.  Alonzo’s mom always made sure that they always took Christmas photos for the cards they sent out each year.  I laughed at the thought of the last one I’d received in the mail from him. 

I finished up the bunch of nothing I was doing in the bathroom and walked out into the living room to see if Alonzo was ready.  He was standing in the center of the room looking at what I assumed to be my dying plant near the patio door.  He turned to look at me, his eyes started from my hips, to my breast, then to my face.  I was surprised, Alonzo had never obviously looked at me that way before.  “Ready?”  I asked him to break his trance.  “Yes.” He responded as we headed towards the door.  He opened it and I stepped out into the strangely warm  December weather.  I locked the door and we proceeded to walk to his car.  “So, I got a new car.”  He announced as we approached a newer model Ford vehicle.  I had a hearty laugh as I remember him riding around in a beat up Ford while in college.  He opened the door for me to get inside and I took a nice look around, it was clean and spacious.  I smiled hard as I noticed how grown up Alonzo was.  Here I can remember him as a sophomore in high school with this huge arrogance problem I’d come to know in a young man.  To growing slowly and maturing into a high school senior and my crush, he didn't even seem to notice I liked him back then, he wasn't paying me the time of day.  I watched him grow while in College when we were introduced again and he’d wooed me.  Here we were nine years later on a date, he was a college graduate, living in his own place, driving his own car, and mastering his own career by running a restaurant.  Alonzo knew how to treat me, he always had, I never had to hold his hand and walk him through what to do, he just knew and executed it with no questions asked.  Alonzo had definitely grown up and I was definitely noticing. 

The Stroke of Midnight

What happens when Sunday’s change? When there’s an interruption in the usual, when the normal is so damn new?
— BB

It's something about Sunday's. Their mornings usually call for coffee makers and fresh biscuits, phone calls from grandmothers asking if they'll see you in church this "mawnin'" or calls from your mother making sure you made it in alright from the party last night. By mid afternoon it can be about football, you can expect your social network timelines to be filled with blow by blow coverage of the hometeam's victory, or lack thereof. The evening is filled with home cooking, either yours or a relatives, stick to your ribs good, wholesome and hearty. Thoughts of your work week consume you by 7pm, promises to be asleep in an hour by 9pm, but the best shows are on then. By midnight, your Sunday is complete, your #regularpeopleproblems are over. You can begin again.

What happens when Sunday's change? When there's an interruption in the usual, when the normal is so damn new? When mornings aren't about coffee or no damn biscuits, but a conversation between the present you and the past you? Comparing notes, revealing that what you thought didn't happen actually happened. If breakfast is what you want you are reminded that there's no need to make extra, no one'll be joining. No phone calls from grandmothers or mothers as they're both nonexistent, you know they were there before, but there's something about the correlation of not seeing, but believing that you hadn't quite mastered.

By mid afternoon, you remember his scent, him, your lesson - because we are told in life, either a person is a blessing or a lesson, and you'd decided that a lesson he was in fact. Although you struggle to come to terms with who and how he is. You'd been told that a woman has to be able to distinguish between a jacked up dude who does jacked up things and a decent guy who'd simply done a jacked up guy thing. Depending on the Sunday, he could be either. You never were quite sure, which is why you rather pretend he doesn't exist and that the mental picture you'd saved of him was simply from an ad in the latest issue of Essence. Damn, if only you could get rid of that scent, or at least find a good excuse for it.

The evening rolls around and you have convinced yourself that this week will be different. You will focus better, you won't spend more than thirty minutes searching for ideas to grow your business on company time, you'll respect the fact that while you want to build your dream, someone pays you to help build theirs. You won't pause before answering anymore if a superior asks you if you understand, simply because they startled you from a daydream. You won't be bored. Your job is great, the people you work with are great, the pay is great. You will acknowledge this and therefore act accordingly. Blog posts are for after work, e-mails to your best friend in Germany is for your lunch break. Planning for vacation days you technically haven't earned is frivolous. You will accept where you are, in hopes of getting where you want to be. You will think of "your lesson" no more, as you will meet your blessing come Wednesday. You make a note to search a new recipe for biscuits on Saturday and kiss the photo of your mother by your bedside. It's midnight. It's, Monday.


Meat&Bread - a fictional story Part 3 of 5

I raised my head slowly to see if I was tripping or if I actually lusted after the new guy or not.  I looked up to now see him looking straight at me and approaching.  A large grin spread across his face.  My heart pace picked up, shit, was I panicking and for what?  "Des!" he said as he approached, his entire body glistening.  I didn't respond, hell I wasn't sure I really could or not.  I just looked down at my feet.  "I didn't know you came here!" he exclaimed. "I don't, just checking it out, thinking of taking boxing lessons."  I managed to say.  "Oh yeah? Nice! Well, I look forward to seeing you in class" he said.  "In class?"  I asked.  "Yeah, you're taking the 1:30pm lesson, right?"  I nodded.  "Awesome!  I'll be the instructor - Lynn's just covering the basics" he said as he reached over and gave Lynn a friendly slap on the back.  I gave a fake smile and a stupid excuse for needing to leave.  I grabbed my gym bag and hurried out.  I couldn't understand why I was so flustered by him.  To be honest I'd not paid much attention to him since being introduced.  I'd began an argument in my thoughts about him still being plain looking.  "I mean, he's not even that attractive really.  OK so he has a nice body and?"  the argument continued well into my lunch hour.

The end of the week had come faster than I thought it would.  I hadn't been back to the gym since running into Anthony.  Chase's kids had taken the exam on Tuesday and I was truly hoping to get laid this weekend.  So I was in a rather cheerful mood.  "Des, how goes it?" I heard new guy say, while beaming.  "Good morning, Anthony!"  I said proudly.  "Haven't seen you in the gym, did you decide to take another class?"  He asked, appearing to be genuinely interested.  "Umm, I don't know if now is the right time" I lied.  "No better time than the present"  he said, with his face, tone and overall demeanor changing.  The pulsating that I had managed to quiet since seeing him in the gym the other day resurfaced with a vengeance.  He appeared sexy as hell in that moment.  Suddenly he pulled back from my desk credenza and said, "well, just let me know when you're ready" while narrowing his eyes in my direction.  "I'm ready right now."  I said without thinking.  Where the hell was my head or better yet my sense.  He looked surprised, "OK then, I'll see you in class today!".  Wait, what?  Shit!  My hormones were out of control.  How I managed to mix up a boxing class with a quickie on top of my desk, I'm not sure.  I shook my head in an attempt to knock some sense into me.  Now all I had to do was get through this class without allowing my hormones or thoughts to get in the way.

I walked a slower pace than I normally would while entering the gym.  My right hand shoved into my gray fleece jogger's pocket.  My purple and white gym bag was thrown across my shoulder.  I'd opted to change in the ladies room at the office, for no real reason at all or I guess to lessen any time that I would spend in this gym and in Anthony's presence.  "Des! You made it!"  He exclaimed!  I gave a half smile and sat my bag down in the corner near a random chair. Anthony immediately jumped into professional mode, explaining what the class was going to go over for the hour.  His voice began to fade out and all I could focus on was the flexing of his jaw and the way he moved his body to demonstrate what he wanted us to repeat back to him.  Shit, it was hot in here.  I reached for my zipper on my jacket to remove it.  I fanned myself unknowingly.  "You're hot already, Des?  I haven't even begun to work you out yet."  Anthony said.  I tuned back into him, bit my bottom lip and removed my jacket completely tossing it about a random chair.  "I'm going to fuck the shit you," I said aloud just above a whisper, surprising myself at my boldness, although I was the only one who heard what I said.  "OK class, let's do it,"  Anthony continued on unaware of my declaration.  I smirked at the thought of my new conquest.

Meat&Bread - a fictional story Part 2 of 5

Read Part 1

I tossed and turned for what felt like the entire night.  I even found myself from time to time turning over staring at the back of Chase's head, wanting to kick his ass clean out of the bed, however, decided against it every time.

When the alarm buzzed at 6am, Chase was in the kitchen humming away as though all was fine and dandy.  I rolled my eyes and grabbed my phone from the bedside table to quiet it.  "Babe, you up?"  I pretended not to hear Chase's inquiry.  He strolled into the room with no shirt rocking just his pajama bottoms - he looked yummy.  "Good morning, Des" he said as though he were checking to see if I was still pissed.  I removed my phone from in front of my face and off to the side.  "Morning", I said flatly but not with the bitterness in which I spoke with last night.  He nodded as though I'd confirmed something for him.  He reached over the bed to grab the remote that was on his side, he flinched his jaw as he extended his body, his abs constricted and so did my vaginal muscles.  He handed me the remote and walked back into the kitchen.  I bit my bottom lip and flipped my body in the center of the bed.  I let out a low growl of frustration.

I suppose that I dozed back off because my phone alarm began to buzz on the bedside table stirring me.  It was like de ja vu, only thing missing was Chase.  He must've reset my alarm for me after falling back asleep.  I cracked a half smile.  Chase was a good dude like that, extremely thoughtful and kind.  Hated to argue, but could give you a run for your money if you caught him on a good day.  I missed the days of when we were first dating and we would get into heated intellectual debates and after splitting a bottle of wine and talking until our mouths were dry - we would make love and pour into bed around 3am.  I laughed out loud while reminiscing.  I glanced at the clock and realized it was 7:30am.  "Shit!"

I got to my desk just in time for Sarah, the floor coordinator to float by reeking of her cheap ass perfume.  I curled my top lip up towards my nose as soon a she was out of eyesight.  "Good morning , Des"  I heard an unfamiliar voice say from the hall.  I looked up to see the new guy skinning and grinning while holding a stack of files in his left hand.  I looked back down at my computer and gave a quick "Morning" it seemed as if he purposely waited for me to say something in response as he walked away after my brief acknowledgement.  I then began to mumble something or another about how cheap the firm was for not giving me an office, then I wouldn't have to deal with this shit.

Lunch time came quick, and I was happy because of it, I was going across the street for my boxing lesson.  They were offering a one month half off special and I was going to take full advantage. 

Once inside of the gym, a group of four of us - two men and two women were meeting with the boxing instructor, he was giving us safety tips and pointers before we each suited up to step inside of the ring.  I scanned the gym taking in all of the equipment, mapping out what I planned to use and what I didn't.  I then noticed over on the speed bag, a shirtless Adonis was getting his workout on.  A twinge that is usually reserved for Chase showed up loud and proud for the Black Rocky.  I watched the muscles in his back do a dance as his speed seemed to double every few seconds.  His fist hitting the bag matched the pulsating that I felt below.  Suddenly, as if to snap me out of my day dream, he gave the bag a final punch, as if to say he was done fucking the shit out of me, at least in my mind.  I jumped a little at the sound.  When he turned to face the group, I quickly returned my stare back to the instructor, but not before I saw his face.

It was the new guy!

Where They At??? Part 2!

So if you have been following me since my old blog then you know from time to time I like to do an update of where a lot of the characters in my blog are, because I know so often the stories don't always have a conclusive ending.  Here are a few of the faves!

Feel free to search the blog for the relevant stories for those listed below.

Xavier - so after the date that I had with Xavier, we had a conversation a few weeks later about where things were headed. He mentioned that he was looking for a serious relationship and would definitely like to consider where things went with he and I.  The thing about Xavier is that he is a globe trotter and you sort of have to get in where you fit in with him.  After having him commit more time to getting to know one another, I discovered a few things about him that just didn't mesh.  I broke it off with him over a text message (I know!) and we haven't spoken since.  I wish him the best!  Absolutely fantastic guy with a bright future!

Alonzo - I haven't spoken to Alonzo in months.  I'm not sure why, but I of course hope that he is doing well.  I miss him and will always love him, but we lead individual lives and distance or time will never affect our bond.

Jimmy - Last time I spoke to Jimmy was technically in 2012.  Wow - I just realized how long it's been.  However, I did see him a few months ago - in a professional setting. We didn't have time to talk much but I've always prayed for growth and prosperity for him.  I hope that he is happy in his life.

Jacob - I consider Jacob to be a game changer - just not the game changer for me.  It was hard for me to let the idea of this relationship go.  I'd grown very close and very fond of Jacob, so it was tough to end things with him.  Jacob was simply not wanting to put the effort into transitioning our dating into a relationship, and that of course was his choice - but I couldn't stick around; and I'm happier for it!

Mekhi - I have nooooo idea where this guy is, how he felt about meeting me or anything.  Honestly - I would forget I even existed.  I mean, I did choose the guys brother over him.


XMAN Part 2

I was feeling nervous, maybe it was the fact that I’d gone through about three emotions in the last twenty minutes.
— BB

Xavier and I took a seat at the bar.  I fumbled with my phone while he asked the bartender for a couple of menus.  I didn't want to look at him, it was as though I would somehow be reprimanded if I did so. I had no choice however, because he soon forced a menu in my hand along with the smile from earlier.  "BB, BB, BB!  Girl, it's about time!"  I wanted to laugh at Xavier's energy, he always seemed to be full of it.  I could conjure nothing up but a slight smile, I was feeling nervous, maybe it was the fact that I'd gone through about three emotions in the last twenty minutes.  I'd gone from excited to angry to flabbergasted.  I gave myself a quick internal pep talk and tried to make conversation.  "I know, I was beginning to think that you were simply a figment of my imagination"  I laughed a genuine laugh.  Xavier took on a look of surprise that faded with a hearty laugh "Oh no, BB - you're the one who fell off the face of the planet, never to be seen or heard from again". I wanted to argue with him, but he was technically right, so I let it be. "So what really happened?" He asked, curiosity dancing in his eyes. I tried to think of a way to say that I'd simply grown tired of his bullshit, but unfortunately I was coming up empty handed, so I just shrugged my shoulders in defeat. He nodded as though he got the message and turned his attention back to the menu. 

"Are you hungry?" He asked without looking back in my direction. I initially could eat, but had somehow lost my appetite with the last question he asked. "Maybe just a drink." I said. "That's cool, what'll it be?" I didn't know, so I asked him what he was getting. "Well you know I don't drink" he responded matter of factly. I wanted to kick myself, I remember him saying so during our first conversation. I ordered a ginger ale and hushed my subconscious who could've gone for a vodka/cranberry. "There were some folks out there who I wanted to introduce you to." He stated as though it were truly a once in a lifetime chance and I blew it. I frowned unknowingly and he quickly put his hands up in defense. I then remembered a big professionals conference was in town and he probably meant as a courtesy, professionally. I gave myself another pep talk, I needed to chill, but I really couldn't help it, something about Xavier rubbed me the wrong way, and I was always one who believed in the energy that I got from someone. I did my best to brush off those feelings blaming it on the fact that I was still slightly annoyed from the fact that I thought I was being stood up earlier.

I was relieved when the bartender sat my glass of ginger ale on the bar.  It gave me an excuse to stop talking. My eyes peered over my glass in Xavier's direction.  I watched his lips form a perfect pucker over his straw as the contents of his glass slowly disappeared.  There was a small tingle in my stomach as I thought of his ability to kiss, my curiosity had now taken the place of my aggravation.  He must have felt my eyes on him as his eyes took on a different trajectory and now found their way to mine.  I dodged his would be gaze and looked back at the menu for no specific reason at all.  I could already tell this was going to be an interesting night.

Meat&Bread - a fictional story Part 1 of 5

Although I enjoy writing about my real life - I also love to write fiction.  It was reading fiction that I learned that I wanted to and actually could enjoy writing.  While some events are based off of true past experiences - it's mostly fiction.  I hope you enjoy... - B

"And this is Des."  I was interrupted from my work when Tim's loud booming startled me.  I lifted my head up from my computer screen, annoyed.  "Des, this is Anthony- he's the new file clerk replacing Jenny."  I thought about Jenny and how she abruptly called in sick one day, and simply never returned.  The rumor was that there was always a constant turnover for the position - I personally paid it no attention.  I'd been the senior paralegal at the firm of Chess, Chase and Bunker for the past three years, the last thing I was trying to keep track of was who the newest file clerk was.  I was use to this game though, I smiled a fake smile and stared into the eyes of the plain faced boy as I offered an equally fake one liner, "Welcome, I think you will enjoy it here."  I said untruthfully.  Honestly, I didn't know if he would like it or not, I just figured that, that's what anyone would want to hear.  Truth was, with the amount of people who'd held the position over the past two years, he'd probably hate it.

I immediately directed my attention back to my computer monitor, a hint for them to go the fuck away.  Tim caught on quickly, he knew how I could be.  I despised him, he and I had a run in when I first arrived at the firm - he's been the paralegal coordinator for the past 15 years!  What a loser? I never understood people who stayed at organizations far pass their welcome.  I often wondered if they looked at it like a badge of honor or something.  Most companies set employees up to lose, at most places once you reach a certain year - you've capped out.  You've made all the money your position can stand to make.  I personally thought people who gave their all to organizations were rather pathetic.  Shit, what time is it? I had to be sure to make it all the way to the other side of town for my spin class.  I grimaced at Tim and the stupid file clerk holding me up.

I had somehow made it just in time for the class.  My instructor Larry was a middle-aged white guy who was balding, but his ass had the momentum of a twenty-one year old.  He hopped on his bike and raised his right in the air, signaling he was about to begin.  Everyone, including me raised our right hands one after the other.  The lights dimmed and music began to blast.  A slow smirk swept across my face.  After such a long and miserable day of slaving away, I enjoyed coming here.  It was my release, because lord knows I wasn't getting any at home.  My smirk faded a bit as I thought to my live in boyfriend Chase.  Chase and I met on my lunch break five years ago at line in Chipotle.  I had accidentally left my wallet on my desk and got to the check out with no cash. "Fuck!"  I mumbled.  "Everything ok?"  I heard a voice from too close behind me say.  I closed my eyes and breathed in deep before forcing a smile and saying "yes, although it appears I won't be having lunch today." I let out a somewhat nervous laughter.  "Well we can't have that now, can we?"  I turned and saw what I later referred to him as, my "pecan-tan-fan-of-a-man".  He was 6 foot 1inch with an athletic build, greenish-blue eyes and a dimpled smile.  My semi-smile faded.  I despised pretty boys, I wasn't bad looking at all - but it was something about a man being pretty that never sat well with me.  He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet.  He handed his Sapphire credit card to the cashier, "we're together".

Chase asked me on a date in the middle of the parking lot shortly thereafter, and the rest is as they say, is history. To say that Chase was a bad boyfriend, wouldn't be fair, because he really isn't.  By a lot of standards, he is great.  He's funny and popular, handsome and accomplished.  A dream, really.  At the age of 30, he became the principal of a local elementary school, he was honored as teacher of the year multiple times before.  He grew up an army brat, raised by his single parent father.  His mother died during the birth of her second child, which left him and his younger brother Derek on their own.  I had a real soft spot for Chase, but the truth was that I was bored out of my fucking mind!  I screamed this at least once a day, usually while I was in the shower and my muffled screams could easily be masked by the pressure from the water escaping the shower head.  Breaking up with Chase was something I had thought of before, but it wasn't all that simple.  I often times tried to hint at ways to spice up our relationship, but Chase wouldn't quite catch on.  I wish I could complain that it was the sex, because it really wasn't.  Chase is a great lover, he takes his time and is unselfish - but even lovemaking became boring after awhile

I arrived home around 8pm and I immediately heard Chase humming along to something.  He was in the kitchen chopping onions.  When he saw me a large grin spread across his face evenly and perfectly.  It forced me to as well.  "Baby - how are you?"  He asked.  "Spin class good tonight?"  "Yeah, it was good."  I mumbled while tossing my gym bag into the foyer closet.  I sat on the arm of the loveseat watching Chase continue to hum and chop veggies for whatever he was cooking.  "Want me to get the shower ready for you?"  he looked up as though he just thought of it.  "No, I showered at the gym."  He nodded and went back to chopping.  I walked into the kitchen, removing my jacket and dropping into the floor as I did.  His eyes started raising slowly from his task.  I stepped out of my athletic slide-in's.  "Bab--"  I quieted him with a kiss, shoving my tongue into his mouth.  I felt his body resisting.  The sound of the knife landing on the cutting board made me flinch slightly.  I pushed him against the refrigerator, pulling at his gym shorts.  "Des, what are you doing?" he asked.  "Shut up!"  I had him stripped from the waist down.  I stepped back briefly to take him in, he hated when I did that, he said it made him feel shy.  What kinda shit was that to say?  A grown ass man afraid to be butterball ass naked in front of his woman! He looked back at me slightly confused and slightly aroused.  I pounced only to meet Chase's outstretched arms. "Baby, I told you that I'm fasting from that right now, the kids take the exam on the 31st and we need all the prayers and encouragement we can get."  Chase's eyes pleaded with me, but so was his erection.  I had no idea what to believe, but I knew what I wanted to.  I grimaced, leaving Chase dick out and all standing in the kitchen.

XMAN Part 1

He had a low cropped haircut, perfectly trimmed mustache and eyes that always seemed to agree with his smile.
— BB

I LOVE a good throwback...don't you?
Xavier was one of my favs to write about, he had such personality and it was easy to capture in words.  Enjoy!

"BB!  Stranger!"  If it was one thing I despised being called, it was most certainly "stranger", it was somewhat of a diss to me, as if I had somehow placed myself in the category all on my own and without cause .  However, it was the familiar name to be called to break the ice when it had been far too long since you'd spoken to someone. My normal reaction would have been to roll my eyes but this person made my reaction a whole lot different than what was normal.  It was Xavier.  Mixed feelings rose to the surface before I had a moment to acknowledge them.  I hadn't spoken to Xavier in over 4 months, it was just one of those....things.  I wrestled with a response, should I even respond?  What was there to say?  I'm always skeptical of those who fall off the face of the planet only to pop back up out of nowhere, - I wasn't one to pop up out of the blue, once a certain amount of time had lapsed, done was done, especially if we had no prior repertoire.

"I'm an intellectual, a bit of a risk taker."  He said through a smile that I am certain was aided by braces based on the photo I saw.  His chuckle that followed was lighthearted and boyish.  I was having an initial conversation with Xavier at the urging of a mutual acquaintance.  "You'll like him, he's so much like you!"  I frowned at the idea that there was a male version of me out in the universe - what did that even look like, and the fact that he's a lot like me meant nothing, or did it?  Xavier was witty, with a bit of a know-it-all personality, he was funny and very smart.  A young entrepreneur who right out of college started his own business dealing in sales, which over the span of five years, he'd done quite well. He was certainly a man on the move, however, we made it a point to check in with one another daily, we'd at least talk on the phone twice  or more during the week.  My only issue was that he lived in New York, but spent a lot of time in my city as he attended undergraduate school here.

Xavier and I had tried for weeks to connect in person, to see if what had manifested through a number of phone calls and about a trillion text messages translated to a face to face meeting. Unfortunately, Xavier had been forced to be in New York longer than he had originally hoped to be, he was working crazy hours and so was I.  It didn't take long for frustration to rise and for interest to simply wane.  After playing phone tag for about three days, I was over it and forfeited the game he and I were now playing and that was the end to the Xavier saga - or so I thought.  Now here I was reading a text message from him, and all of the reasons why I liked him suddenly rushed back to the surface.  Xavier got me on a level that I hadn't exactly had anyone get me before.  He appealed to me not only physically, but strangely to the ambitious side as well.  After our first conversation and finding out about so much that he had accomplished at such a young age, it pushed me to further look at my own goals.  He impressed me, and actually inspired me - I'd never had that before.

I went against what I would consider my better judgment and decided to respond to his message, I sent a standard "hello how are you", and by the end of the weekend and our catch-up conversation we had plans to meet up for drinks the following week. I figured that I had nothing to lose in this instance, and maybe I could at least meet the guy, that was one good thing out of the deal.  I wanted 6pm to arrive while it was only still 6am, I was not necessarily excited but anxious, I wanted to put a face to this guy finally and possibly close an invisible chapter that I figured must have existed.  I stood in the doorway of a swanky restaurant that I'd chosen as a meeting spot.  I arrived five minutes til the designated time to try to work off whatever nerves that would try to make themselves present.  The restaurant was warm and the lights hung low, there was soft jazz playing in the background.  I immediately felt a twinge of panic as I thought this was a bit too romantic, I didn't want Xavier to think that this was some kind of wine and dine session.  After ten minutes I became annoyed at Xavier's absence, he hadn't arrived yet, and I was five minutes from leaving.

With a furrowed brow I began a text message stating that I didn't appreciate being stood up, but before I could hit send, a tall, broad shouldered gentleman stepped through the door.  I'd made my way away from the entrance during my pacing while waiting on Xavier to show up, so the stranger didn't immediately notice me.  He wore a dark grey suit, a white button down shirt with no tie, he had one hand in his pocket as he stepped fully into the restaurant with a confident stride.  He looked as though he could own the place - hell, maybe he did, suddenly, he whipped his head to the far left where I was standing and a smile spread across his face.  "BB!"  he said with outstretched arms as he made his way over to me.  It was as if time was moving in slow motion.  He was even more handsome up close.  He had a low cropped haircut, perfectly trimmed mustache and eyes that always seemed to agree with his smile.  My mind paused.

Oh Xavier.

See Part II

31.0000° N, 35.0000° E Part 2

My heels announced my presence before I could take all of him in. I smiled but stiffened at the same time. There he was, in all of his glory.
— BB

I'd arrived to the restaurant in a haste.  Still cursing the nail technician that forced me to be way further behind than I wanted to be for our date.  I'm never really nervous - but due to my lack of preparation, I felt nervousness creeping in daring to expose me as a clutz or rather, not as interesting as I'd like to think I was.

Jacob and I decided to meet at one of my favorite restaurants in the city.  I'd suggested it as a place due to the ambiance, it was sexy but sophisticated, the food and the service were both impeccable.  Jacob and I had constant conversations about food and his healthy lifestyle - which just added another layer as to why I liked him.  I knew this restaurant would be able to meet both his and my standards.

I arrived just at the appointed time.  The air was brisk, as it was the middle of December, I gripped my shawl closer to my body as I made the short walk up the marble steps that led to the restaurant.  The wind played with the train on my dress, whipping it in circular motions, but quite possibly appearing to be dancing in the distance to a passerby.

The warm air invited me further into the lobby as I greeted the hostesses.  I informed them that I was meeting someone while simultaneously scanning the open and empty restaurant for his familiar face. I was a little dissapointed to not see him there already.  I decided I'd sit at the bar as it gave me a birds eye view of the door.  I scooted into the highboy chair and gave him a quick ring to let him know that I was in the restaurant and to check to see where he was. He informed me that he was sitting in his car as he had arrived way before time.  I would have initially thought it was odd that he didn't simply come into the restaurant to wait. Honestly, had it been anyone else aside from Jacob, I would have, but I had come to appreciate his quirkiness - it made him unique.  I let him know that I was waiting at the bar and that he could feel free to join me.

My heart quickened once we hung up.  I'd never met this guy in person and all I wanted was to like him as much as I liked him on the phone.  I took a deep breath and tried to allow the lump in my throat to dissipate.  I could see a figure approaching the large glass doors out of my peripheral.  I didn't want to fully turn, as I didn't want to appear as though I'd been staring at the door for the last five minutes, although I sort of had been.  The cool air danced it's way inside and met my bare legs clear across the room.  I took it as my sign to look over.  I gave my natural kinks a quick shake and stood to strut back up to the hostess stand where I once was. I could only partially see him at this point, my heart beat quickened.  I felt as though I was going to meet my fate, not a man who I simply had a crush on and we were going to have dinner - no, this felt intense.  Too intense.

My heels announced my presence before I could take all of him in.  I smiled but stiffened at the same time.  There he was, in all of his glory.  I did the mental check that we all do when we meet someone whom we've only chatted with and/or saw a few pictures of.  He was much shorter than I thought he would be.  He stood about 5'9, broad shoulders,  dressed in jeans, casual loafers and a buttoned-down collared shirt.  He wore a fashionable scarf around his neck and frames - I assume for fashionable purposes. Either way - he looked good.  His beard was finely trimmed as though it was done that morning.

I smiled.

Panic began to set in as I felt a bit over-dressed.  I was wearing a new royal blue high-low dress that played pick-a-boo with my thighs all evening, it had a train that grazed the floor as I walked.  My royal blue peep-toe shoes were probably best suited for the spring months, but I paid that no never-mind. I snapped out of my comparison to what he and I were wearing and stepped in to give the physical version of him a hug.  His body felt hard as steel, warm yet friendly.

The hostesses both stood watching us as we embraced.  He stepped back and we both stood staring at one another for a moment, I guess taking it all in once more.  I suppose the hostess thought it was a good enough time as any to direct us to our table for the evening.  He allowed me to walk in front of him as we were taken through the main part of the restaurant to a back quiet table where the lighting seem to get darker and make the atmosphere cozier.  I imagined that Jacob, was doing what guys often do when a woman is in front of them.  I smiled a little at the thought, but was relieved when we were finally seated and back on a leveled playing field.

Jacob and I were seated shortly after 6:30pm, we didn't part ways until a little after 11pm.  We sat and talked and drank and laughed, and ate and talked some more.  There was never a moment of awkward silence.  We discussed everything from work to politics to workouts to family.  After a moment I found myself wishing the night didn't have to end.  I was having too much fun and it would appear that he was as well.  It was getting late and both of our bodies were getting tired.  He had a two-hour drive back home and I'd been up since 5am, so rest was needed.

On the ride back home, I reflected on the evening. It had been so long since I actually liked someone, I was just hoping that Jacob would turn out to be someone I could really grow with. After my last relationship, and how shady my ex turned out to be - it made me slightly apprehensive about getting back out into the dating world - but at the moment, Jacob had me thankful I did!


31.0000° N, 35.0000° E Part 1

Four years my senior, Jacob was wise and slightly intimidating

Why did I want to kiss him?  I mean right here, right now - smack dab on the lips in front of all these people.  He was talking, but what he was saying, I couldn't even begin to tell you. I could no longer hear the laughter of children or the sounds of bowling pins being knocked down on their respective lanes. No, my eyes were fixated on his mouth, his finely trimmed mustache and accompanying beard.  I imagined myself, crouching like a lioness, waiting for my moment to strike, eyes fixated on my prey, a hunger pang I hadn't felt in a long time made itself known.  I licked my lips, preparing them for the landing of a lifetime.  I wanted nothing more than to discover his taste.


Oh, shit!

I hated dating apps, I really did, I thought they were merely an easy excuse for the lazy to meet new people.  I didn't deem myself lazy, and honestly, I wasn't in a huge hurry to meet anyone new either.  But somehow, I found myself flipping through the various pics deciding whether I wanted to swipe right or left.  I'd had this app for just shy of six months, a co-worker told me about it and I merely thought, what the heck!  It was truly one of those out of sight out of mind apps, whereas, you really don't think about it unless you are actively opening it up, and based on your settings, you may actually receive a notification if you actually match with another person.  It was harmless enough, I thought.

I'd connected with a few guys, but only a few made it to actually getting my number and having a real life conversation, whereas the others fizzled out one way or the other.  After getting through about close to 10 different profiles, and swiping left before the image and/or its content could completely land on the page I was stopped in my tracks.  Handsome face, oooh, nice lips, I said to myself aloud.  I smiled while flipping through the strangers pics, he was handsome, beady eyes and broad nose, full lips, like my own and physique was on another level.  My eyes immediately dropped down to the space reserved for the About Me, yet, there was nothing there, I grimaced due to the fact.  I had a rule that if a guy was too lazy to complete that portion, he was more than likely too lazy to pursue me.  May sound silly to some, but after awhile, the basic things were red flags.  I flipped through his pics another 3-4 times before deciding to swipe right, figuring what the hell!  The least I'd be able to do is compliment him on his lips, right?

About 10 minutes later, I received a notification that he and I were a match.

Jacob was fine.  Period. Point. Blank.  Sure, while attractiveness is subjective - Jacob could certainly be the exception to that rule. An independent intellectual, Jacob certainly has a way with words, he is a stand alone, he forms his own opinions as opposed to going with whatever the crowd wants.  He's funny but not goofy.  Socially awkward but not creepy.  He definitely grabbed my attention with his ability to form more than one sentence when we initially messaged one another - he seemed to have an appreciation for conversation and that was definitely a rarity.  He was extremely aware and made it known every time he had an opportunity.  Four years my senior, Jacob was wise and slightly intimidating.  He was one of a kind and definitely something that I had yet to discover in anyone else.  The only hangup was that he lived three hours from my city, but something told me that, that really didn't matter, so I allowed him to pursue me further.

It didn't take long for him to become a permanent fixture in my day-to-day.  After swapping numbers and taking things offline.  We spent weeks scheduling phone calls that lasted from early evening to early morning.  We had a chemistry that was simply dope.  He was hilarious, continuously keeping me in the loop on the latest shenanigans of his engineer co-workers.  I'd receive random text messages throughout the day that had me giggling to myself in the corner like a school girl.  I really liked this guy and it felt good.  I was over the moon when he finally set time aside to schedule a date for us to meet in person.  That was the most nerve-wrecking thing.  I'd built up all this anticipation, only to potentially have it shattered by a first date - everything felt like it rode on its success...



Beauty In A Stranger

Maybe the sun told the moon to tell the stars to align so perfectly that the chance of your meeting was destined from the start.
— BB

What is so beautiful about a stranger? Is it the fact that you really know nothing, with the hopes of knowing everything?  Is he patient?  Is he kind?  Can he love?  Is it the long awaited good morning text messages or the phone calls?  Why is he here?  Maybe the sun told the moon to tell the stars to align so perfectly that the chance of your meeting was destined from the start.  Maybe its the fact that astrology is never right and the water bearer, Aquarius and the crabby Cancer can and will live happily ever after.  Is it the wedding day of your dreams, or the wedding night of your universe that you have hopes to share one day.

Feels like you've known him forever.  Could it be from a past life?  You often wonder what he hesitates about, does he not understand that to be with you is the safest place on earth?  His secrets are safe...his ambitions are safe...his heart, is safe.  You like him.  Maybe because he's handsome with eyes that could stop time, You envision staring into them, getting lost.  Dancing with his lips until you run out of breath.  Allowing your soul to speak to his until they begin to sing in unison.  Finding solace in his embrace, finding shelter in his faithfulness, seeking comfort in his character.

Its got to be the possibilities.  The possibility that hope actually exist for a guy from the Southside and a girl from the West.  Hope, hope that phone calls will always go answered and text messages forever received, kisses always returned and feelings always shared.  Maybe the sound, the sound of Boys II Men's On Bended Knee and Prince's Insatiable sounding great being played together, forever in the shuffle.  It has to be the chance, the chance that we always pray to God for, in hopes of getting but scared as hell of having.  The chance to prove everyone wrong, while trying to prove to one another why you're so right.  Chances to fall down, strength to get back up, and if all else fails, an opportunity to feel this way again.

For the lovers.


Blind Sided Part Three

I needed to handle this situation as poised as possible without ruining any opportunity I would have with Mekhi or without allowing Jackson’s cute ass to walk off without my number.
— BB

I made my way over to the make shift bar in the corner, asked for my usual vodka Cranberry and was overjoyed when the bartender handed me an over-sized cup of the concoction. I was going to need it in order to get through this night. I looked out over the crowd and saw Mekhi jetting in and out from person to person. Ugh! Why won't he sit still? I wanted to take in more of the Eric Benet/Maxwell look alike  wanted to see those lips moving and eyes wandering. I wanted to know if there was a connection! My frustrations were out of control. I looked to my left to see Kim in a conversation with someone and I made no qualms about interrupting them. Before an introduction could be made I took in the familiar face, although it was much less chubby and his body more fit, his eyes hid behind black rimmed frames. He was well over 6'2 with facial hair. He made eye contact and appeared slightly uncomfortable. It was Mekhi's brother Mark.  Kim had shown me a picture of him one day last week after telling me that he was pissed with her for never setting him up with anyone and always thinking of Mekhi.  "Mark, this is my friend BB." I shook his hand and continued to allow my eyes to travel down his body to his Jeans and comfortable looking shoes. Time paused for a moment or two, something was happening, a definite shift was present.  Mark continued on with the conversation he was having with Kim, now only with me included. He was saying something in reference to school and moving to D.C. However, my mind was on another level. My hand was on fire from when we exchanged greetings. "What the hell was that?" I wondered taking a look at my palm as if I expected for the proof to be plastered on my fingers. Mark continued, making eyes at me in between his spiels, I wondered if he noticed it too, but it would have to wait.  I was on a mission.

Kim and I found ourselves wandering through Mekhi's home, taking in the very Indi vibe that it was giving us. We bumped into him halfway on our self guided tour. "We're just taking a look around." Kim spoke up to Mekhi. "Oh yeah, well you already saw swag room number one." Mekhi said with a heavy chuckle, referring to the room where most of his guests were congregated. "This is my bedroom" Mekhi motioned for us to follow him. His room was spacious and dark. A what would be TV, was actually a projection screen. "Yeah, my bed will be here some time next week." Mekhi and I made eye contact a few times, looking for the all too necessary spark. I actually began to wish Kim away so that there would be less awkwardness in the conversation. Truth of the matter was, Mekhi intentionally stopped speaking to me which was odd in itself. Yet, here he was being the perfect host. "This is bullshit" I mumbled under my breath. Just like earlier, Mekhi was there, then just as quickly he was gone.

Kim and I copped a squat on a cushioned section of the kitchen. When a chocolate cutie with a fresh Cesar cut, carefully trimmed beard and uncommonly prefect smile wearing a crisp ironed white t-shirt walked up and introduced himself. "How are you ladies doing, my name is Jackson?" Kim and I introduced ourselves and chatted with the cute stranger. After a few pleasurable exchanges he excused himself and joined the party. Out of nowhere, Mekhi found a seat next to Kim and began to talk to her about her brother being M.I.A to the event. I began to feel tight at the mention of Kim's brother and Mekhi talking. I was trying to remain engaged in the conversation with the two of them, when all I really wanted was for Mekhi to grab my hand and us step away somewhere privately to at least exchange less awkward greetings and have a conversion uninterrupted. I began to hate him for being such a flake, and providing that weak ass excuse of him feeling nervous. I sucked my teeth out of the blue, hoping he nor Kim were paying attention to my two second tantrum. I then noticed  the chocolate cutie, Jackson, was back. He made joking conversation with Mekhi, then slowly sauntered over onto my side of the cushion and placed his phone square in my face.

A sudden air of awkwardness was present. I could see both Kim and Mekhi's expression from the corner of my eye. I definitely wanted to dispense my digits in Jackson's phone, but I couldn't do that blatantly in Mekhi's face and who the hell did Jackson think he was by pushing his phone in front of me without so much as a word, anyhow?  I needed to handle this situation as poised as possible without ruining any opportunity I would have with Mekhi or without allowing Jackson's cute ass to walk off without my number.  I suppose the God's heard my plea, or either history was just repeating itself, because just like earlier, Mekhi was there, then he was gone, leaving me with a get out of jail free card.  After schooling Jackson on how to properly ask for a young lady's number, he leaned down with sexy eyes and an award winning smile and asked "May I have your number, please?"  I fell for his charm, smiled a smile back and quickly grabbed his phone, keeping one eye on Mekhi I placed my ten digits in Jackson's android and handed it back to him.  "I will definitely be calling you."  He said as he disappeared around the corner.  I looked at Kim and gave her a smile and a shrug.


Blind Sided - Part Four

I did it just so the stranger could taste how good our names sounded together stumbling out pass his lips.
— BB

I needed to move from the cushioned space that I was in, immediately.  Things had gone from awkward to just pure uncomfortable and a crowd was beginning to form in front of us anyway.  Kim and I ducked off into Mekhi’s sun room joining some of the other guests as they sat around, it was almost as though it was our private VIP section, swag room number two, maybe?  There were even two other female guests standing guard only allowing the party's finest men to make their entrance.  One that struck me as particularly interesting was a fine brother who looked like an R&B artist that could croon you completely out of your panties.  He wasn't tall but wore a t-shirt that allowed his muscles to protrude, which was probably the reason I gave him a second look.  The female guards at the door pulled him in and forced him to do everything aside from take off his clothes.  I stood in the back of the room with my legs crossed still sipping on the not so chilled drink I needed so desperately earlier.  I sat it on the table next to me as I stood preparing to introduce myself to the Adonis before me.

He walked straight back in my direction after shaking the hands of a few people.  Once to me, I stared him in his eyes and extended my hand to introduce myself.  "How are you, my name is Luke."  I smiled, I liked his name, it was strong and sexy - fit him perfectly.  I said it in my head just before I pronounced my full name, enunciating every syllable, something I did only if my intentions were to embarrass a person by their attempt at trying to recall it.  However, I did it just so the stranger could taste how good our names sounded together stumbling out pass his lips.  He smiled and repeated it aloud still hanging on to my hand.  The rest of the room noted our meeting and immediately erupted in ooohs and ah's joking at how I went from just BB, to my full and complete name which had a German origin and meant resurrection, it was indeed beautiful, but a mouthful and I avoided serving it up to people most of the time.  I released Luke's hand and allowed him to take his place back in the center of the room.  Behind me through the glass I saw Mekhi walking pass the crowded sun room without so much of a glance in our direction.

My mind jumped from Luke and I's relationship, marriage and beautiful babies to Mekhi's flakiness.  I wasn't sure what I wanted to happen but Mekhi needed to be 100% about what was going on in that head of his.  I was starting to think that he was purposely avoiding me and the awkward situation that he'd placed himself in.  I was now in a funk and found myself back on the couch and no longer focused on Luke who said something about how he had just hired the director of finance.  While usually I'd be all ears, especially hearing a young attractive professional speak.  I leaned back in the seat and took a deep breath, I wasn't used to a guy acting weird around me, this was definitely unusual.  I watched as Kim spoke to another cutie who had been granted access to our private section, he had a strong jaw and to die for eyes that could land him in plenty of trouble.  I smiled as I looked at my friend flirt.  I was ready to roll around 3am.  The party was dying down aside from a few "too turnt up" individuals insisting that the music not stop.  Kim and I were outside just in time for the rain to gain momentum.

We bumped into Mark halfway down the driveway, he gave each of us hugs.  He then turned to Kim who had huddled back up under the umbrella with me and said "Is this the friend that was supposed to be meeting Mekhi?"  Before Kim had an opportunity to respond I stepped up and blurted out, "No, not really."  His attention then turned to me.  He walked with Kim and I towards her car.  He led, holding the umbrella over my head as we approached the same muddy spot as earlier.  " your step baby."  He said just as my sandal landed in the mud and my hand found his in the dark, reigniting the same feeling from earlier.  He opened the passenger side to Kim's ride and allowed me to get in, scooping the low part of my dress into the car along with the umbrella - he closed the door after saying goodbye and a possibility of seeing us before we left.  I watched him walk in the rain, attempting to instruct the other party goers who were leaving of the best way to exit Mekhi's driveway.  Yup, Mark was better, much better.

The party, Mark and Mekhi stayed on my mind for the better half of the night into the morning.  I had almost completely pushed it to the back of my mind until Kim's brother reminded me by asking, "So you like Mr. College boy?"  I heard him, but was having trouble understanding how the hell he knew anything, he wasn't there, not to mention all this happened less than 10 hours ago.  I looked to Kim who was sternly instructing her brother not to say a word about it.  He brushed it off with a gesture that signaled that, that was the very last thing on his mind.  I brought up to Kim later that day that I thought that it was a bad idea to tell anyone, and she reassured me that her brother telling Mekhi that I was really into Mark more was the last thing on his agenda.  The next two days were fun filled and I was excited to head back home.  There was no seeing Mark before we left and I decided that this was all something I could sit back and laugh at one day.  No hard feelings.

Things had returned to normal and Kim and I had returned to work that following week.  It was late in the day on Wednesday when Kim called me on my work line and said the words that I had envisioned as the worst case scenario, "Okay, don't be mad....and I'm going to kill my brother!"

Just A Different Day

So it would be no surprise that I’d be wined with the finest, dined with the best and our evenings would be filled with many attempts at love making.
— BB

I was hating that I said yes to this outing with Alonzo, things were kind of weird between he and I, well of course he knew nothing of the weirdness between us.  Let an outside person looking in tell it I was being “difficult”.  Ha!  Something that I  was good at being.  I tucked the grey and black scarf into my jet black sweater.  Added a few flips to my hair and added blush to my already flawless made up face.  To say I was in a bad mood was a stretch I really was just over so much with the guys in my orbit.  I wanted something new, something fresh and Alonzo was just as old as they came, but truth is, there was nothing wrong with him, actually he was quite certainly what most women would call perfect.  But here I was looking out the peephole of my front door trying to put on a perfect front for the guy who had professed his love for me nearly five years ago.  I took a deep breath and opened the door to find Alonzo.  I grimaced on the inside at the fact that he wasn't properly cut nor had he shaven.  Ugh!  I never got that with guys, what was so hard about taking their behinds to the barber?  I dismissed my frustration and welcomed him into my home while I scooped up my Michael Kors handbag that lay open on my sofa, I grabbed my keys and we headed out.  He opened the door to his ride, as I slid in I was hit with the overwhelming scent of his cologne and coughed a little.  I hated when people chose to spray on fragrances in the car, because chances are, they’d spray on too much and in this case Alonzo had done just that - another reason for me to be annoyed.

I was happy when we made it to our destination, a pretty popular museum in our hometown.  That’s one thing that was always on point with Alonzo, he came with the best dates.  I thought back to earlier in the week when I had to cancel a last minute trip.  Alonzo had been wanting alone time with me for quite awhile, I had let him know of the dates that I would be off and he informed me that he would plan something extra special for us two.  I was apprehensive about the idea from the get go, but curiosity wouldn't allow me to back out.  Monday evening he texted me and asked me if I was cool with an overnight trip.  I was shocked, I’d never spent a night with Alonzo, well unless the times he’d fallen asleep on my love seat at my condo counted.  I diverted the question and asked him what he had in mind before answering.  He’d told me that he wanted to take me to a Chateau for two nights.  I choked on air at the thought of it.  The Chateau is an exclusive winery and resort in our home state.  It was situated forty miles out of the city and was a beauty to behold.  It was definitely not a place for just friends.  I became nervous at the thought of experiencing a two night getaway with Alonzo.  That’s when it became clear that I wanted something differently than he did.  Alonzo wanted the package.  He wanted all of me, all of what I had to offer.  So it would be no surprise that I’d be wined with the finest, dined with the best and our evenings would be filled with many attempts at love making.

I leaped from my bed as though something had forced me.  I certainly couldn’t do that, at least not now.  I twirled my phone around and around in my hands until I’d formulated the best decline I could think of to text Alonzo.  I wasn’t too concerned with his response, he was a gentleman and I knew that while he was disappointed he would respond in the most appropriate manner, he wouldn’t be a bitch and beg, he was going to put up the best front possible, and say something to the effect of him understanding.  Alonzo lived by the mantra, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”.  I knew that this situation would pop up again at some point but at least I’d bought myself some time though.  I was snapped out of my wandering by the car coming to a stop in the parking space of the museum.  “Here we go” I mumbled to myself before exiting.

See Part Two, here.


Blame It On Me (The Jimmy Saga)

We stared at one another almost to replay the argument or mentally pinch ourselves to ensure that what was happening was real.
— BB

You can get the fuck out of my house!”  I yelled as I immediately rose to my feet.  “See, I knew you would get upset and say that.”  Jimmy responded with a sarcastic chuckle.  He removed himself from my bed and onto the floor.  He reached down and pulled his shorts that lay sloppily by the bed.  I marched over to the light switch and turned it on for no reason at all.   I went out into the hallway and turned that light on as well, then into the living room and turned that light on too.  I was pissed.  Jimmy and I were having an argument, but this time it got serious; there were not enough apologies in the world that would fix this argument, none.  I walked back into my bedroom and watched him as he completed his dressing, I scowled at him, pure mad black woman oozing from my pores, but there was hurt in my eyes, I'm sure.  I swallowed to try and remove the lump that seemed to magically appear in my throat.  I rushed back into the living room and Jimmy followed behind, he proceeded to place his boots upon his feet.  I sat on my love seat and he sat on the sofa. 

He stringed up his shoes and somehow words began to flow from our mouths, not the same bitter twisted ones that had escaped moments earlier while we lay across my bed.  “I felt like what just took place was childish and didn’t need to be that way.” I said to him dryly but honestly.  “Nope – I feel like that needed to happen, it had to be this way.”  He responded coldly.  I didn’t understand him, he wasn’t familiar and I had a strange sense that I wasn't familiar to him either.  He was seething, he was attempting to hide it, but we both were.  My voice trembled, half out of anxiety and half out of the cold night air that seemed to find its way inside of my apartment.  The argument that ensued in the bedroom was mean, cutthroat and spineless, we’d never spoken to one another that way.  Shit was getting real, and real fast.  Shots were being fired left and right between us, nothing being spoken directly, most being used metaphorically. 

I implied that there were tons of acting being done on my part in the relationship, how he truly wasn't my type and the guys in my life before him and currently were way better, he implied that his new single life was much better, that the women in his life looked promising and it really didn't matter to him one way or the other.  We stared at one another almost to replay the argument or mentally pinch ourselves to ensure that what was happening was real.  I felt as if I was in somewhat of a dream state and needed to wake up.  “You are so arrogant BB.”  He said with a bitterness that reminded me of Omar Epps’ character from the movie Love and Basketball.  “Yeah, about certain stuff of course.  The difference between me and any other girl is that despite what I've been through, I’m always consistent about mine.”  I shot back at him.  “Yeah, well.  This is the way all of my relationships end.  I told you that when we first met.  I get her to get mad at me and then I’m done and choose not to hear from them ever again.  I’m starting to believe that love isn’t for me.” 

I immediately felt sorry for Jimmy.  Most of my studying and meditating I’ve been doing since our breakup has centered on love, not just the love you get from a relationship, but it was being able to recognize the love in any and everything.  I had been practicing that, so to hear him say that hurt me a little.  I didn’t want him to feel that love wasn’t for him just because he’s had a few rocky relationships.  “Since we are being truthful, I thought I’d tell you about what was really going on that night right before we broke up.”  I took a deep breath and began to listen to him spill some mess about an ex girlfriend and her birthday.  I barely listened to what he was saying. My stomach was doing flips and I suddenly saw our entire relationship flash before my eyes.  Damn, how could I have not saw this coming, I asked myself.  I tuned Jimmy out as I thought of a time that I felt I wasn't truthful with him and thought to tell him, but decided against it.  I interrupted him for no reason other than to quiet the sound of his voice as it began to make me nauseous.  “Wait, there is more to the story, remember you were wondering where I was for that week.”  My heart began to pound in my chest, I didn’t want to know, nor did I care.  I was afraid to know, afraid that I may lose my cool depending on what he was going to tell me.

I lifted my head to the ceiling and thought of my mother, she thought Jimmy was a nice enough guy, just never understood my attraction to him – I wonder if this was the reason.  I checked back into the conversation only to stand in defiance of hearing whatever lie or truth he was about to share.  It didn’t matter, because he and I were done, that has always been the point I’d been trying to make. I no longer even called Jimmy anymore, had he not realized that I was trying to wean myself from our obvious toxic mess?  However, with his lie/truth he was pulling me in where I didn’t want to be, I wanted to be done with all this madness, I wanted to forget this nightmare of Jimmy and I and move forward with my life.  I felt the strange urge to get down in the Yoga downward dog position which always seemed to calm me, but I decided against it.  Somehow I convinced Jimmy to not divulge his secret and to keep it to himself, one reason to keep me sane and another to keep me from divulging any of mine.  “It’s been fun.”  I said wickedly to him while staring him in his now dark and tired peepers. “Yup, it has.”  He responded.  He got up from the couch and brought me into his arms, I wanted to be any place but there.  I couldn’t believe that this was happening and this way.  It was like breaking up all over again, I wanted nothing to do with it.  “I will pray for you” he said as I pushed the door closed upon him, our relationship, and the cold air.


...But A Dream

Somehow, someway he finds a way to convince your thighs to forgive him, allowing them to part from one another and embrace his apology...
— BB

You stood no chance from the beginning. Your fate was written before his words could escape his Vaseline quenched lips and make their way down his factory produced suit into your awaiting ears.  Your mind said no while your heart cried, yes.  Your meeting was destined, the sun told the moon to tell the stars to shift to align so perfectly that there would be no denying.

A connection so intense that it put your past to shame, shame, shame.  You tried to justify it by calling it lust, although lusting was the last thing on your to-do list.  You made love to his eyes a million times over, danced with his lips until you ran out of breath, saliva cold and chilly, unforgiving and unyielding.  To be near him was pleasure, to be away from him was pain.  Or at least that how it begins.

Things get more serious, as they always do.  As the honeymooners now become the old married couple everyone remembers but no one cares to talk about.   There are no more calls to ask how so and so is doing.  You are left to deal with your own feelings, oh and his too.  Saturday night arguments about him leaving dishes in the sink and the fruit punch stain you found in the living room last week.

You go to bed pissed off but somehow someway he finds a way to convince your thighs to forgive him, allowing them to part from one another and embrace his apology.  Now finding yourself buried deeper in his words and less in his actions, damn how do women do that?  Have the innate ability to forgo the physical action behind a man's word and only open up to the verbal.  We swallow it whole no chaser needed.

While he sleeps you take the piece that is he and try to fit him into a puzzle that he clearly doesn't belong.  You envision his family, a picture of perfection, not perfect, perfect, nothings perfect.  But perfect in your eyes, his mother, graceful, overbearing indeed, but you go above and beyond to display you are that pot slinging, checks bringing, hymn singing woman that you think she wants for her son.  Even if deep down inside you don’t believe it yourself.

His father is strong and is amazing by example – you only wished that he’d take more after his daddy.  Have vision like his daddy, have faithfulness like his daddy.  Yet, he’s asleep unaware of your hopes for him.  You want to kiss him, hoping he’ll awake to be the prince that you'd dreamt of.  He definitely wasn't like his brother, his brother was solid and sure.  Made an honest woman out of the woman he shared a bed with.  Yet, you lay.

You find yourself tugging him along, giving directions like a mother, constantly wondering to yourself how you got into this.  But there would be times where he’d turn his head distracted by something or another, roll out of bed in the wee hours of the morning, completely nude to relieve himself, or times where he would laugh at a movie, overly exaggerated of course, but you would pray a silent prayer, thanking God for him.  Confessing that you loved him but you were scared, didn't know what this meant.  Questioning how you could love and dislike a being so much, so intensely.

Then it happened, the inevitable break up.  You hate him, he hates you. You’re hurt, he’s hurt, and ultimately you hurt it.  Convincing yourself that it didn't have a chance, that it deserved better.  Life unraveled around you.  No.  He wasn't there to help you to pick up the debris that consisted of your life, he was living the dream, while agony tucked you in at night and made you breakfast in the morning.

Days went by, months went by, minutes, seconds.  Your relationship now a revolving door, the likes of Melanie Fiona and old school Monica jams became your soundtrack.  You moved away, yet still kept a second, a third, even a 50th chance in your pocket for the taking.  If only he would have....taken it.

You refused to believe in the word goodbye, goodbye was for suckers, was for quitters.  Goodbye was easy.  Actually, it was hard.  Too hard.  You still walk that familiar path in hopes of seeing his factory made suit and Vaseline quenched lips.  Maybe if you did, he'd say something different this time.

Say something that'd convince you to pass on giving him your number, giving him your energy, your time, your heart.  You'd be strangers from that day forward.  A map of his face would no longer be etched in your mind for eternity.  You could forget his existence all together.  And he, yours.

A girl can dream, though....


Blind Sided - Part Two

He brought me into his hard body, he squeezed tightly. It felt nice. but just as quickly as I was in his arms, I was out.
— BB

"So you still haven't heard from him?" Kim asked me with concerned eyes. She and I had arrived to her parents home in Tennessee a little after 1am. I was beyond annoyed. Mekhi had some nerve not replying to my earlier message about my arrival to HIS city. I sighed a sigh of relief that I hadn't based my entire trip on my meeting up with him, something was up and I was going to make it my business to find out what it was.

Kim and I celebrated the 4th of July with dinner and fireworks, although it was a time for celebration, I couldn't prevent my mind from wandering to the issue of Mekhi and I.  The last time I'd spoken with him was three days prior and we were merely discussing our days with one another.  His distance made no sense to me.  I thought of what I would advise someone if they proposed this same scenario.  My first thought was that he could very well have just lost interest and had his sights set on someone else.  I mulled that thought over and over in my mind.  Truth was Mekhi and I had not much of a repertoire with one another.  We talked randomly and it was never more than an hour at a time.  We talked enough so that we were acquainted, but not so much that there was an undying attraction or high ass expectation.  The pop of the firecracker in the sky broke my thoughts.  Tomorrow was he and his brother's 4th of July party, and I was going, invited or not because he had some explaining to do.

It was dark, it was pitch black dark. Kim and I definitely were in the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I knew that any minute leather face was going to hop out of the brush and make us his next victims. I was almost certain that the mud that'd just seeped into my shoe, ruined any chance of a clean getaway. I grabbed the bottom of my high low black and white striped dress that dared to sweep the ground gathering it's water and dirt combo.  Earlier while getting ready, Kim informed me that her brother had spoken to Mekhi and informed him that he was just really nervous about meeting me which caused him to pull back.  I rolled my eyes into the mirror wanting to shout "pull back from what?" this guy was acting as though we were entering into some arranged marriage, it was a meet and greet for God's sake!  I was now pissed at Mekhi for turning this situation into such a shit show, involving Kim and her brother more than he really should have, much too many hands were in the pot and I planned to pull them all out except for the ones needed, Mekhi and I's.  Kim and I cautiously walked up the path to where the music was coming from. A few guys were standing out front drinking what we assumed to be beer and eyeing Kim and I as we approached in the dark as rain sprinkled from above.

I looked around at the handsome faces hoping that one belonged to Mekhi. Kim and I walked up a small set of stairs and suddenly a figure that I made out in the baby blue light emitting, stood about 6'0, wearing a pair of khaki's and a denim shirt with black flip flops. His hair was curly and lowly cropped to fit his round brown face. His lips were full and dark, eyes almond shaped and cheek bones, shit, I envied them. Why did he look like a younger Eric Benet/Maxwell mix?! I started hearing Eric Benet's latest record, Real Love spewing out from some heavenly place. "This is my friend, BB." Kim said as she stepped aside and Mekhi took me in. His eyes scanned from the high part of my dress, which I knew was an out of control high, exposing more of my thick thighs than I cared to share. Up to my hips that made a statement all on their own. Pass my triple D's to my full red lips and high bun that any ninja would be envious of. "Come here, girl." Mekhi said as he brought me into his hard body, he squeezed tightly. It felt nice. but just as quickly as I was in his arms, I was out. He excused himself and traveled across the room to attend to some of his guests. "Shit". I cursed under my breath. I looked around for the bar.  I needed a drink.


Blind Sided - Part One

He’s young enough to date me, but old enough to appreciate me
— BB

"A blind date? I don't know about that."  I responded to Kim, who's face had lit up at the idea that she had found my perfect match.  "Who is he?"  I asked, really wanting to know.  Kim perked, "his name is Mekhi and he is a really great guy and sooooo your type!"  Kim was practically jumping up and down at the prospect of he and I meeting and ultimately hitting it off.  "Well, where is he?"  I wondered, now more intrigued.  "Uhh, he lives in Tennessee."  She responded hesitantly.  My eyes bucked and my mouth fell open.  "A freaking whole other state, Kim?!  What am I going to do with him from there?"  Kim had to be out of her mind if she thought that there would be a chance in hell that I would get to know and/or possibly even date someone long distance, on purpose!  I was immediately frustrated.  "He's really cute, and such a gentleman, you'll like him.  Come on, BB."  I began to try to weigh which issue bugged me the most, the thought of being on a blind date, or if I despised the fact that my date lived in another state.  I gave in to the idea with a YOLO and gave Kim the green light on hooking things up.

It was right about 9:00pm on a Thursday when I arrived home.  Mekhi had reached out to me, but I was far too distracted to answer him at the time.  I handled a few things around my apartment before I sat in the middle of my queen-sized bed that I'd missed terribly and called him.  He answered close to the fifth ring.  "May I speak with Mekhi, please?"  I asked, in the softest voice I could conjure up.  "This is Mekhi" he responded laced with a smile that was present through the phone.

Me: Well, hello, how are you?
Mekhi: I am doing quite well, my lady, how are you?

I noticed right away the very Southern accent that Mekhi possessed, I even found myself pulling back from the phone to have a laugh at just how southern his drawl was.  I thought it was cute and gave him personality.  He and I talked for a little over an hour and a half.  We discussed many things, such as what he does for living, my being a writer, which he thought was pretty cool, him recently purchasing a home, and both our love for animals.  We shared laughs and serious conversation at the same time.  Mekhi is about three years older than me, which was refreshing.  He's young enough to date me, but old enough to appreciate me, it was appeasing to talk to a young man who didn't want to discuss just sports and himself, he seemed to have a genuine interest in getting to know me and  the various things about me.  He and I ended the conversation with pleasantries and a promise to talk soon.  I was pleased with how the first conversation went.

I was home and Kim and I were having our usual girly pow wow we have whenever I'm there, when I made a comment regarding the potential blind date with Mekhi.  Kim's face did that lighting up thing again.  It was originally determined that seeing as though Mekhi was in and out of my home state, we would try to coordinate a time for us to meet up and go out.  "That's perfect!" Kim shouted out of nowhere.  I looked at her confused.  "You're still coming to Nashville for the 4th right?"  I nodded wanting to know what she was getting at.  " guys should go on your date then!"  I counted in my head that the 4th of July was three weeks away.  I also had to admit that, that actually worked out really well.  "Mekhi is also throwing his annual 4th of July party so you should come to that too."  I then thought back to the conversation I'd had with Mekhi and how excited he sounded about having the party in his new home.  I smiled, I was intrigued by the meeting of the stranger. Wondering if the way he spoke matched the way he looked, would I even like the way he looked?  I shook off any apprehension that I might have and decided to cross that proverbial bridge when I got to it.  For now, I wouldn't worry.  All was right with the world and Mekhi.

See Part II


Go Confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you have imagined - Henry David Thoreau

© 2016, The Babbling Bourgeois