6 Things I Learned About Me in 2014
1. "I am intimidating. I can't wait to fall in love with someone more intimidating than I." - RivaFlowz
People often mistake intimidation for being mean or overly aggressive. That's not the case for me. My intimidation is an energy, it's meant to make you feel nervous, to evoke sensitivities in you that you never knew were there. However an equally intimidating person gets this energy, they don't cower away from it, they gravitate towards it. They allow it to give them strength, strength for the pursuit and endurance that is sure to be needed.
2. "As you evolve and come into your own, you will love yourself differently." - RV
Loving me at 25, is immensely different from loving me at 21. I no longer handle myself whimsically, throwing caution to the wind at every handsome face or smooth talker. I love myself for all of my uniqueness, my flaws and my strengths and weaknesses. I have taken on an image that looks a lot more like what I envisioned when I was young despite what my former self thought wasn't exactly a good look.
3. "I love my solitude." - RV
I've been living alone for the past four years. In a career that's booming crazy throughout the day, it's always nice to come home to silence, the smell of me and apple cinnamon Glade air fresheners. To stumble over shoes in the foyer that do not belong to anyone else. To turn on the TV and flip to any channel that I wish without there being a need to ask "is this okay?" to another. Sure, the day will come when I'll have to sacrifice, but I'm prayerful it will be worth it.
4. "Friendships are seasonal. The word "best" is attached to people who are easier identified as admirers or enemies and interchangeable." - RV
I have always craved deep friendships, and I've come mighty close with a few, some I can still acknowledge and others I have chosen to no longer recognize for one reason or the other. Friendships end for various reasons, often times, I simply like to say that they just now look different, we no longer laugh in unison, invites get lost in the mail and good ole father time just has a way of just changing things.
5. "The intimacy, the silent treatment, the dissonance, the fighting fair, and the piecing it back together again." - RV
Is what I hope my relationship looks like. I'm not naive enough to believe that my marriage will be full of perfect and always peaceful, but despite what troubles the troubles are, I just would like to pick up the pieces again and again and again...together.
6. "First dates feel like interviews and when they don't...you sometimes feel like you've found the real thing." - RV
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for..."
I have thoroughly enjoyed the last couple of year's being single. I needed it. It feels amazing to be in the ready position, to be able to feel open enough to invite another into my life, to take on a partner again, to be "okay" with the past and prepared to move forward. I've had a good amount of first dates, for the most part they're all awkward - fumbling for conversation, finger twisting in laps, nervous laughter, but then there is the one first, the one that is a little more effortless, a little more organic. The one where everyone around you is moving at high speed, and yet you sit, in slow motion. Adorned in newness, fashioned like Michelle and Barack, no wait, Martin and Coretta, or better yet, Malcolm and Betty...yeah, Malcolm and Betty. Funny thing about firsts, they can happen time and time again, until the next time becomes the right time. I'm looking forward to that right time.
HAPPY NEW YEAR to each of you, I pray a prosperous and healthy 2015!