The Babbling Bourgeois

his side, her side, their side...b-side.

Could You Be Mine? Part I

I deep down yearned to feel that feeling again, the feeling of forgetfulness of all the things and people around me.
— BB

I wasn't sure of what to wear, but it was too late to back out of this date with Alonzo.  Lately the spark between he and I had fizzled there was no longer any intensity, however, he had asked me to join him and possibly a group of others out.  I had thought of the many things that I’d say to break yet another evening out with Alonzo, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to do it.  I went home and immediately scrubbed my body from any residue of the day, I imagined what this night out would be like.  Laced with boring conversation and tales of his work woes as though he didn't know what he was signing up for to begin with.  I rolled my eyes as the hot water rolled down my body.  I took the powder blue dress and hung it up to allow any leftover wrinkles to fall from it.  I then moisturized my skin, applied my makeup and stared in the mirror at my hair as it lay thrown about my head looking a hot mess.  How I managed to place my hair in a chic bun, is beyond me.  

I fiddled around with it to get it in the perfect shape.  I then slipped my dress over my frame and walked into the living room.  I released an exasperated sigh and sat with my hands in my lap.  “I have to tell him tonight.”  I said aloud.  My feelings for Alonzo hadn't changed, I still thought very highly of him and believed whole heatedly in his love for me, yet, something was off.  While I knew he felt all these wonderful things for me, I had at some point friend zoned him and didn't even realize it.  I hated to have talks like the one I was planning to have with Alonzo tonight.  My stomach turned a little at the thought of that conversation. 

Alonzo arrived on time as usual, I was apprehensive but was genuinely happy to see him dressed in a dark grey suit, black button down and grey bow tie   I frowned a little at the lack of a haircut but brushed it off.  I grabbed my coat and keys and we made our way to our destination.  The restaurant sat in a lot all on its own, there were soft lights on the outside and inside.  It was much more spacious than the way it appeared on the outside.  Alonzo informed the hostess that we had reservations for 8:30pm.  I looked around for any sight of the rest of the party.  I suppose Alonzo could tell what I was checking for as he chimed in, “I figured that it should just be us tonight.  I missed you and wanted some alone time.”  My skin crawled a little,  I rubbed my arms as though I was cold.  I guess that was a good thing that no one else was around, maybe I could say what I wanted to say over dinner.  Therefore, there would be no need for him to park his frame on the edge of my couch and summon me next to him as he always does. 

The restaurant was gorgeous, it was dark and romantic.  The waiters and waitresses were all adorned in tan server jackets and everyone seemed to be nice and accommodating.  Alonzo always picked the best restaurants, something that I admired and equally enjoyed.  We were approached by a tall Caucasian gentleman with light hair.  “I have your table all ready.  Please, follow me.”  He instructed.  I stood from my seat and glided across the path that we were being led down.  The dark light made my blue dress appear to glow, therefore eyes were being lifted from their meals onto Alonzo and I.  I began to feel nervous and walked faster.  “Ma’am, might I say that color looks exquisite.”  Our guide chimed in, as though he were reading the minds of the eyeballs staring in both Alonzo and I’s direction.  I felt relieved once we’d made it to our table.  It was basically a room within a room.  It was even more beautiful, the lights even more dimmed.  Our table was lit with a single candle in the center with crisp white table linens draped across.  Our host handed us two large menus for our viewing then excused himself.

I glanced over the menu a few times then looked up to take in the ambiance further.  We were surrounded by about seven other tables, all with couples, everyone all appearing to be sharing wine and enjoying one another’s company.  I immediately felt out of place.  I deep down yearned to feel that feeling again, the feeling of forgetfulness of all the things and people around me.  Only being surrounded by the love I had for the person sharing the table with me, wanting waiting and anticipating the time when we would be alone again, to kiss, to touch, to feel.  I sighed out of nowhere.  I then felt Alonzo’s hand on my knee, “Everything oaky?”  he asked with concerned eyes.  I smiled to put him at ease, he smiled in return.  “You know, you really look amazing tonight.” 

This was going to be a lot harder than I thought.

See Part II

-BB 

Go Confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you have imagined - Henry David Thoreau

© 2016, The Babbling Bourgeois